Changing faces:

Mom and I:
When I was a little girl, I would stand by the mirror with my mouth wide open and watch mom apply lipstick and skillfully do up her face. She would wipe her face clean, dab some compact, apply some lipstick and was ready to go. To me, she was the most beautiful woman. Just like every little girl, I too would pull down her sarees, scarfs, and shoes. I would haphazardly drape the saree and then apply some of her lipstick and dab a puff full of powder on my face. Did I look pretty? Ask me no questions and I will tell no lies. Someone could easily sign off their name on the layers of powder that I dabbed on my face. I stood hours admiring myself in front of the mirror. The scene was no different when I grew into my teens, but this time around, mom was no longer my role model. She was growing old and our tastes often clashed. She would say 'white' and I would say 'black'. She would say 'yes' to lace and I would say 'no'. We had nothing in common. While in school, I remember someone complimenting my mom and calling her my elder sister. I was hopping mad at my mom. That was an age when I wanted no comparison at all. I always asked mom never to patronize me.


Daughter and I:
I was dressing up for a party and applying some lipstick. Eri was standing beside me watching my reflection in the mirror with her mouth wide open. After dabbing some lipstick, I pursed my lips to make sure it spread well. Just then the telephone rang and I went out of the room to attend it. When I returned, I couldn't believe my eyes, Eri was imitating me. All kids do. She applied some lipstick all over her face and pursed her lips. She then took my scarf and put in around her and gave herself an approving look. Did she look pretty? Ask me no questions, and I will tell no lies. It hit me hard, I surely was her role model and don't know for how long I will be. But I know, some day, she might just turn around and say 'Ma, I'm old enough, don't patronize me'.

GULP! I'll soon be eating my own words.

Club day

It was a lovely Sunday morning, Max and I were heading to Club Cabana. After a nice morning breakfast, we lazed around for sometime. Max and his friends decided to check out the water park. I was just not interested in doing those water rides. I saw the mad rush at the wave pool and decided to sit by the kiddie pool.

I waved out at Max as he was trying to out do the waves. I smiled seeing the child like glee on his face. Reminded me of our trip to Singapore soon after wedding. It was a turbulent flight. It was pouring cats and dogs during take off, the plane shuddered. My nails dived into Max's arms. I asked Max if he knew how to swim and he said 'yes'. 'Good for me'', I thought. If the plane crashes now my man shall save me. ' Yes, I can manage to save myself in a crisis situation', he said. Well, so much for being optimistic I thought. A group of kids were having a fun time splashing water at each other. I decided to take a break and walk around the club. I hit the spa counter. Just next to the spa was a nice small hall where some good music was being played. I walked into the place, a lot of kids were taking turn and walking down the ramp. I decided that its some fun kids show, and pulled a chair and sat down. A lot of curious eyes were staring at me, like I cared. I was there to have fun and was going to enjoy myself. My ears turned towards the fizz of the coke bottle. I was parched. I went and helped myself to some coke. A lady standing at the corner continued staring at me, and two other women followed suit. This time all three ladies joined the big stare. Well, I saw two ladies helping themselves to a piece of cake and jamun. I walked to dessert table and helped myself to a big slice of cake and jamun. I skillfully removed the cherry from the cake and all the extra cream and settled in a cozy chair. As I dug into my piece of cake, I saw a little boy walk in with his dad and mom. Ah! The perfect family. The little boy walked and a few event moderators asked him to walk down the ramp. The new entrants were seated right beside me. The lady looked at me quizzically. I just gave her a faint smile. I saw the lady pull out a nice gift wrapped in a gift paper. She called out to her son who just finished his cat walk and asked him to wish the birthday boy. I was half way through my cake. I couldn't believe my ears. Apparently, a private party was being hosted at the club. Gosh! Wrong place , wrong time. How was I to know? No birthday banner, no caps, no whistles.Not my fault. What do I do? How do I make the grand escape without looking like an idiot. If only I had the powers, I would freeze the world go by.

Everything else fell in place, the ushers weren't event moderators, they were the host. The cat walk was a warm up session for the kids before the big celebration begun. Half the damage was already done, I not only entered the place, helped myself to a glass of coke and almost downed half a cake. I couldn't eat anymore. I slowly slipped the plate under the chair and started walking to the door, there was a guy following me, no sooner I exited, they slammed the door after me. I felt like an absolute idiot. I wanted to return home but Max and his friends were having a ball at the water park, so I just let it be.

Eri's Giant Panda

As I walked into my home lugging my office bag in one hand and my laptop in another, my little toddler ran towards me and embraced me, she threw her little hands around my legs and doodled “ I double youuuuuuuuuuu”. I replied, “ I x. y.z you tooooooooooooo”. She flashed me a big smile, showing signs of a good afternoon nap. 'I double you' meant 'I love you'. I was teaching her how to say 'I love you' and the little lady associated 'love you' with the alphabet 'w'. So every time she says 'I w”; I reply “ I x.y.z you too”. Then she pointed out at my bag and said, “Mamma, lappot”. I quipped “ Yes sweet heart, mamma's laptop”.

As her mindless babbles and chitter chatter fills the air, I rest my stiff body on the couch. But my little lady was in no mood to let me laze. She brought her pair of shoes, pointed at the door and said “ Mamma, tata we'll go, getput (get up)”. That was the last thing I wanted to hear after a long day at work. I told her “ Eri, mamma's tired”. She chirped “ fever got???”, and gently placed her tiny palm on my forehead. I said “No Munchkin, I'm just tired”. Being tired is not a good enough excuse to rest on your honchos, so she asked again, “ Tata we'll go”. Not being able to refuse, I threw some fresh set of clothes on her and freshened up. All dressed, she lugged her best pal Teddy along with her out of the door. I said “ Eri, we are not taking Teddy with us”. She threw up a small fit. I sternly told her “ It's either Teddy or you”. She clung on for two minutes. She knew I meant business, she finally let go of her teddy. She kissed her teddy and looked at me and drooled “ Teddy, not there??”. I knew this was one her tricks to send me on a guilt trip. I politely said 'NO'. We headed to the nearest mall. I was really tired, and Eri was fresh as a cucumber. She unleashed her new found knowledge “ Bike, Cooter(Scooter), Aato rikisha, Car, Tee(tree), Kie (Sky), Cow, Goat, Uncle, Aunty, Leaf, birdy, Butterfly, Apple, Papaya”. All I could say was 'yes Sweet Heart', wondering when she would actually say 'Czhecoslovakia'.

We reached the toy floor of the mall. Eri was ecstatic. No, she was not interested in the toys, she just wanted to run around the racks and bring down a couple of things. This was the same mall, where she brought down a whole rack of CD's a couple of months ago. The manager came running; seeing them Eri flashed the most angellic smile ever. I told her that if she broke anything I would make sure I recovered the expenses from her savings. The manager melted and he let us off the hook. My reverie broke when Eri sent me on a wild goose hunt, she was all over the place, trying to balance on her toes and pull down the rocking horse positioned on top of a cradle. My heart skipped a couple of beats. I ran and pulled her behind. She wasn't too happy. She twitched her eyebrows.

Then she ran towards the stack of soft toys, and was pulling down every other teddy, 'Winnie the pooh bear', she screamed. It was Garfield and Tigger's turn next. She rattled off every cartoon characters name she knew. I was just silently praying that she doesn't ask me for anything. Then suddenly out of the blue, something caught her eye. 'Mamma, Giant Panda' she cooed. I couldn't spot the giant panda. She pointed out. I said, ' No you silly, its a Dalmatian dog'. She insisted, this time a little more louder 'Giant Pnada waaaaannnnt'. I saw another couple standing behing me checking out the toy stack. I was not going to give in to the whimps and fancies of a one year old. I didn't want to be called one of those mothers who couldn't handle her children. 'No Eri , its a dalmatian' I quipped. The sales guy, who was standing right behing me assisting two other couples looked at me and said ' M'am, the kid is right, it's not a dalmatian, it is a giant panda'. My face turned a shade of crimson. The one year, seven month old kid could identify the toy right, and her mother was calling it a dalmatian. I could hear the couple behind me giggle. I just wanted to vanish into thine air.

To add to my woes, the sales man pulled down the giant panda and handed it over to Eri. One of their usual tactics to get the toy hooked to the kid. My little lady planted a big kiss on the panda's lip. The Panda cost 750 Rs. I wasn't prepared to shell a couple of hundreds for a medium sized black and white potch, all because, Eri found it cute. I took one look at the panda and its pricing and told Eri, 'Darling, lets buy you a squirrel'. 'Noooooooooo panda' she said. I couldn't give her a tight whack as I was in a public place. Eri was assertive. She did not succumb to the pressure. Her grip around her panda tightened everytime I tried to engage her in a conversation. I made futile attempts to pull the panda out of her embrace. Annoyed, I called up my husband and told him, "Listen Mitch, your daughter wants a teeny weeny Panda that costs 750 bucks..", he didn't wait for me to complete "Buy her the Panda, it's okay" he said. I could feel my blood pressure rising " Sure thing hubby dear. Do remember to replenish my bank account" saying so,I hung up.

I tried to pull the toy out her hand, this time with a little more force. The little tot fought back to save the love of her life, but of no avail. Ms. Cruella was at her cruel best. By the very virtue of being a little more stronger, I won the tug of war. She howled a little but eventually forgot about the toy.

Eri has now forgotten about the Panda. She is back to playing with her old buddies. This is one battle I won, I don't know how many will I lose in future. ;-).

Five Lessons Learnt ( cut to life):

Lesson 1: Never let yourself be influenced by the wrong forces.
Context: I was a bright student in school. I was seated next to a talkative girl to set a good example for her. Instead of me influencing her for the better, she influenced me for the worse. I started talking in class. Slowly my grades started slipping. Seeing my grades, my Math teacher commented “Don't be like the axe that cut the sandal wood tree, but be like the sandal wood which spreads its perfume to the axe that cut it raw”. That was the last time I found myself talking in class.

Lesson 2: Be reasonable.
Context: I wanted an expensive pair of boots. My mom refused to buy me one because I had three pairs of shoes that were lying unattended. She reminded me of what my teacher said in Class IX “A man complained that he did not have a neat pair of shoes, until he saw a person with no legs”.

Lesson3: Being confident helps.
Context: My DBMS professor questioned me on Fuzzy logic. I felt the earth beneath me being ripped part. A lot of people who had their viva before mine, didn't score too well. I rattled everything that I knew about fuzzy logic in five minutes with a lot of confidence. Deep down I knew that I would score a big zero because I had no answer to his question. At the end of the session, my professor said “ Lady, you did not convince me, but you certainly have me confused. I give you marks for your confidence”. I passed out the paper with flying colors.

Lesson 4: Never waste food.
Context: I threw a plate full of food into the bin at a house warming ceremony. A construction workers daughter, immediately picked my plate from the bin and started eating from it. I couldn't believe my eyes. My soul stirred. I don't waste food anymore.

Lesson 5: Accept a compliment gracefully.
On being complimented for a speech that I made at the Sunday school, I said “Oh! I don't think I did a good job”. To which my Sunday school teacher replied “ Learn to accept a compliment gracefully, say 'Thank You' if you must, but don't doubt the other persons judgement. Besides, in accepting compliments, the person is actually complimenting your creator”. Point taken.

Petal

Gentle caress, treat you mild,
Immaculate beauty so fragile;
Tender cluster of the bud,
Cling to pore for life galore.

Shimmering attire of the flower,
Firm you stand against all power.
Live to see the morning light,
Glorious surrender to the night.

Gracefully wither from the soul,
Touch the earth, and make it whole.
Now in peace, you lay to rest,
Humble life, at its best.

My Big Black Feather

As a child, I remember having a flair for feathers. I maintained an album book with different feathers. I had no great knowledge about birds, yet I collected their feathers with great zeal.
I had two peacock feathers and was striving hard to complete the trinity. I had feathers of all shades; pink, green, red, and white. I distinctly remember having this pink feather which had a little extension to it, I called it baby feather. Somebody once told me, that applying talcum powder and hard pressing these feathers in a note book has great effect on feathers. I never questioned their intellect. My only objective was to have a hundred feathers. Hundred was a big number then.
I used to take a generous helping of my grandmas 'Yardley' powder and sprinkle a little on every page of my book. I would then hard press these feathers in my note book and patiently wait for the baby feathers to grow. Every Sunday, I would religiously open my album book and check if these feathers were there. To my eyes, the feathers looked bigger, every time I opened it.
One day, I took my album book to school. I exchanged a few feathers with my friends in school. A lot of them wanted my pink feather. A friend of mine was ready to trade her peacock feather for my king sized pink feather. But the pink feather was my priced possession. The peacock feather could wait. On my way back home, I met my cousin, who was quite boisterous. I proudly opened my album book and displayed the feathers to her. In a blink, the feather was gone. She pulled it out of my album book and ran for her dear life. I chased her for quite a distance, but of no avail. Tears rolled down my cheek, and before I knew it, I was howling away to glory. A lot of my grandmas well wishers, and curious onlookers, stopped by to find out what the matter was. With all the sniveling, I could barely speak. Finally, I reached home. My grandpa took one look at me and thought that I was sick. He let me settle down. I poured out my heart to him. That night, I was inconsolable. I told my grandpa that he should admonish my cousin for stealing my feather. My grandpa never took sides. He simply nodded his head.
The next day when I returned from school, my grandpa seemed excited. He had a gift for me. I remember feeling happy from within. What more could a broken hearted kid of eight ask for. He instantly pulled out a big black feather and handed it over to me. This big black feather had a soft baby feather attached to it. One look at it, my smile withered. I loved the feather, but I hated the colour. My granpa told me that this feather was unique and nobody else would have it. That night I was a happy child.
Next day, I proudly displayed the feather to my friends in school. Everybody wanted a look at my priced possession. My class teacher stopped by listening to the racket we were making. One of the girls shouted out , “Miss, Cresilla has got a big black feather, Miss”.
My teacher walked up to me and asked me for my feather. I felt the blood rush to my cheek. My only worry was that if the teacher liked the big black feather, then she would take it. With a stone on my heart, I pulled out the feather from my album book. One look at it, and she announced, “Children, that's a crows feather. Haven't you seen a crow?”. The whole class burst out laughing.
Suddenly I felt my hands and legs turning cold. I couldn't believe my ears. My grandpa, actually got me a crows feather. I was totally miffed. I went home, and refused to talk to my grandpa. My grandpa seemed upset. All he said was “ I'm sorry, I didn't want you to cry”.
Today, when I reminisce, I can't help but smile. My grandpa indeed had a heart of gold. He was so caring. My fetish for collecting feathers wilted away, but my grand fathers love will remain in my heart forever.

To Mom, with love - > Part II

I was nonchalantly telling my mom that I have been putting off buying a watch for quite some time; her immediate reaction was “See, I have two new watches, you can take one of them, and I can settle down for the less pricey one. You need the watch more than I do”. I felt a lump forming in my throat. I thought to myself, I'm old enough to buy a watch for myself and yet here's my mom who just got herself a new watch and is ready to part ways with it. That's the power of a mothers love, it cannot be measured. And, then there is my grandma, who never forgets to ask me “So, what do you want from Mangalore?”. By the very virtue of being a mom, these women, have always learnt to give, never expecting anything in return. I could never fathom this unconditional love, until I had my own child.
From the time, I learnt that I was pregnant, I felt a spring in every step I took. The long awaited good news was finally ringing in my ear, head and very being. My joy knew no bound. I thanked God profusely and prayed that the little one be safe. My prayer for the safety of my child in my womb was an eye opener. I had begun to realize the power of unconditional love.

To Mom, with love -> Part I

I dedicate this space to all mom's and to those who are treading the path:

A lot has been, is and will be said about mommies, it is one topic that all of us can easily connect with. Yet, I choose to write about a few things that thugged my heart when my daughter was born. I'm sure you too will be able to relate to a few things. After all, how different can a mom's world be.

You know,

• Her heart melted when you cooed.


• Her heart and mind, feels and thinks that you are the best.


• Her heart accepts you the way you are, with all your short comings.


• Her heart is uneasy when you are in trouble.


• Her heart aches when yours' breaks.


• Her heart knows no bias.

Above all, she always will have a prayer on her lip for 'YOU'.

Tryst with Destiny

In troubled times when I seek out,
I know not where to go and how;
I see no beam, I see no hope;
I still cling on and won’t let go.
An earnest endeavor, I make,
To break free from the mandate;
Precarious the path may be,
But, that’s my tryst with destiny.
Beyond the sublime ray of light,
I launch a novel flight;
Providence will soon smile on me,
As I make my own destiny.